ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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