So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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