This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
