you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
