i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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