So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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