he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
