He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize