I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
