Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
