Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
