What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
