too bad you live with your parents still
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
