have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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