He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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