k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
