Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
