The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
