Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
