somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
