Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have surprise drugs for everyone
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
