i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize