Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
