We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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