Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
