I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
