Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
