The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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