If i come over, it means nothing
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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