I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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