mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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