We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
