there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
