i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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