a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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