you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
