Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
