Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
