i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
