He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
