I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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