you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When did we convert life to cartoon?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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