Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
