i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've blown a few things in my day
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
