I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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