The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think people are normalizing furries
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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