i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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