Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
