That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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