They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
