so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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