is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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