the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
