we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
