I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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