What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
