Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize