I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
