my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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