u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
