i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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