Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
