I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
