how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
