K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
