I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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