If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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