And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Rumble strips road head = magical
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
