why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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