And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
